FOR SALE

This is not a houseboat, but a beautifully appointed floating home situated on the banks of Lake Union in Seattle, Washington. It boasts four bedrooms and two bathrooms, with an outside deck from which to enjoy the waterfront, or you can stroll along to the dock for a delightful bench sit. It’s the perfect spot for viewing the fireworks, and there are great restaurants and bars nearby. The single-storey property would be perfect for a father and son to share, and the local radio station is excellent. Don’t sleep on it.

HINDSIGHT CORNER

LINDA HAMILTON THE TERMINATOR FRANCHISE

SEPTEMBER 2019

‘I always felt like the story was complete after T2. But I also felt that with all that life has brought me in the last 27 years that I might have more to say. It was about coming to terms with the fact that I’m not what I was, and realising that I’m so much more now.’

FEBRUARY 2024

‘I’m done. I’m done. I have nothing more to say. The story’s been told, and it’s been done to death. Why anybody would relaunch it is a mystery to me. But Iknow our Hollywood world is built on relaunches right now.’

FLOP CULTURE

Dubbed ‘Kevin’s Gate’ and ‘Fishtar’, Kevin Costner’s folly started life as a cheapie. Should it have remained that way?

Why it was a good idea (on paper)

Unlikely as it now may seem, Waterworld was first written as a low-budget affair, copying Mad Max. With Kevins Reynolds (director) and Costner (star) involved, ocean-sized postapocalyptic waterworks took over. Could the Kevins repeat the box-office tsunami of Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves?

What went wrong?

In the event, Reynolds/Costner repeated their squabbles from Hood, as Costner assumed control in post-production and Reynolds swam for freedom. Yet even beforehand, the project was profligate and problematic. A reported $65m budget rocketed with the costs of two trimarans, a huge steel atoll and Costner’s fee. Then the shoot started… and it turned out that Hawaii’s Kawaihae Harbor translated as ‘warring waters’ for a reason. Choppy weather, seasickness, stingy jellyfish and a sinking ‘slave colony’ set caused trouble. Costner didn’t relish being strapped up a swaying mast for two hours for a shot, but his stunt double had it worse when he suffered an embolism. Amid escalating crises, shooting began without a locked-in screenplay to cling to – and Speed script doc Joss Whedon’s ideas

WATERWORLD

were not taken on board. As a 96-day shoot extended to 166 days and the budget headed for $175m, hurricanes and off-screen storms (Costner’s marital problems) hammered the film’s already bruised press. Alongside poor test screenings, gossip that Costner wanted his hairline digi-fixed added to the impression of an ego project bellyflopping.

Redeeming feature High-seas spectacle, watery world-building, Dennis Hopper’s mad-eyed villain: Waterworld bloats messily but swings big.

What happened next?

Theatrical returns? Parched. Costner’s pull waned. Wyatt Earp had underperformed and next came another epic 90s miss, The Postman. Home ents proved fertile turf, though; an extended fan cut emerged on BD.

Should it be remade?

With rumours of a sequel series seemingly stilled, Waterworld hardly needs relaunching. Just because Costner’s Mariner glugs his filtered pee, doesn’t mean audiences must consume recycled Hollywood waste.