60 SECOND SCREENPLAY

TF SAVES YOU THE COST OF A MOVIE EVERY MONTH. THIS ISSUE: MEG 2: THE TRENCH…

FADE IN:

EXT: LAND BEFORE TIME

A Megalodon eats a T-rex to remind us that giant sharks are dangerous. Sixty-five million years later, rescue diver turned eco-warrior JASON STATHAM sneaks aboard a freighter.

JASON STATHAM

You pillocks are illegally dumping radioactive waste in the sea. I’m here to stop you because I care about the planet and my fellow man.

JASON beats the crew to a pulp. He then dives into the sea, now contaminated with toxic waste, to get rescued by his pal CLIFF CURTIS.

CLIFF CURTIS

Now we’ve got the film’s environmental message out of the way, let’s get on with the bloodlust!

INT: OCEANIC INSTITUTE, CHINA

JASON STATHAM’s previous love interest is dead, but he is raising her teenage daughter SOPHIA CAI with the help of her uncle WU JING. Mostly all underwater.

WU JING

Thanks to my rich and suspicious investor SIENNA GUILLORY, we have an actual Megalodon in captivity. You know, just like the one that endlessly terrorised my dead sister!

SOPHIA CAI

I’d love to dive with you one day to see the Meg up close and risk death or grievous injury. I’m 100% sure it’s what mum would have wanted.

WU JING goes for a swim with the Meg. He uses a clicker pen to train the humongous predator not to eat him. It nearly eats him anyway.

WU JING

Y’see? It’s all under control. I easily survived that near-fatal predicament I placed myself in.

INT: MARINE RESEARCH CENTRE

JASON and co dive to the Mariana Trench in tiny subs and find several Megs as well as a mysterious base. A sudden explosion forces them to crash.

SOPHIA CAI

Hi everyone! By the way, I stowed aboard just for fun. Hope that’s OK.

JASON STATHAM

Well, we have no power or air. The only way to survive is to wear special suits and walk to that mysterious base. What could possibly go wrong?

Several people die in horrific ways. Their suits start running out of oxygen and, at one point, JASON STATHAM has an actual fist fight with a sea dinosaur.

JASON STATHAM

Phew! We made it! Well, some of us did, anyway. But at least we’re all safe now.

INT: UNDERWATER BASE

Someone’s head explodes. JASON and co discover that the base is mining rare valuable materials. Suddenly TRAITOR SKYLER SAMUELS – from back at HQ – calls them up.

TRAITOR SKYLER SAMUELS

Ah-ha! I’m actually working for the rich investor SIENNA GUILLORY! I now have to kill you, even though we could probably just do all of this legally anyway.

She floods the base, but JASON STATHAM just swims outside and opens the door. The group

escapes to the surface, but so do some Megs, sea dinosaurs and a giant octopus.

JASON STATHAM

Great. Now I have to kill all the deadly sea monsters by riding a jet-ski around and stabbing them all with harpoons strapped to bombs. It’s the only possible way.

EXT: FUN ISLAND

There are lots of people partying on a nearby island with an incredibly unimaginative name. Several of them die in horrific yet admittedly entertaining ways.

CLIFF CURTIS

Everyone get out of the water! Get yourselves onto dry land – you’ll definitely be safe there!

People die in the sea, on land and even in a helicopter. Eventually, JASON STATHAM stabs the giant octopus with a bomb and kills the alpha Meg with a rotor blade.

JASON STATHAM

Wow, that was sheer incomprehensible chaos for a really, really long time. I take it all the bad guys were killed? Good.

EXT: THE BEACH

JASON STATHAM and all his friends enjoy beers, presumably all surrounded by human bodies.

WU JING

Well, I think we all had that under control. Hahahahaha!

Everyone joins in with the laughter.

SOPHIA CAI

Guys, a LOT of people just died. Including some of our own close friends and colleagues.

EVERYONE

What? [PAUSE] Hahahahaha…

FIN NEXT ISSUE: THE NUN II