Dialogue

Mail, rants, theories etc.

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★STA R LETTER

On a recent visit to the Petrifying Well at Knaresborough, I noticed that among 15th-century soothsayer Old Mother Shipton’s predictions was an apparent forecast of this year’s Oscars. After all, she foretold that there would be a very large ‘fire’ (Oppenheimer), a virgin queen will reign successfully (Barbie) and there shall be a carriage without a horse (Ferrari will also win). Most surprisingly, she predicted that sea monsters shall rise from the deepest depth and the world will be saved by a trident-wielder, which can only mean that Meg 2: The Trench is going to pick up a few gongs.

Take that, Betfred. Sceptics may say otherwise, but just because no previous Best Picture winners have involved a giant octopus twatting a helicopter, it doesn’t mean there can’t be a first time. Jack and everyone with a letter printed here will receive a copy of Femme, available on 26 February on Blu-ray via Signature Entertainment. Didn’t send an address? Email it! No deets, no disc!

TUNED IN

Those twitchy little snapperwhippers and phiz-whizzing snozzcumbers in Hollywood made mes a-thinking I was barking up the wrong dog. Seeing the trailer for Mr Wonka’s movie, I was thinking it would be a delumptious chocolating fantasy. Me was going with the chiddlers to my local plexermult to see it, and right before my winkles and earwigs was a humplehammering musical!! I knows two rights don’t equal a left but what a frobscottle of a sweety-toothed treat of a singalongo picture show.

What an honour to hear from a veritable giant of cinema - and we’re glad that you enjoyed (we think) Wonka. Though we would be intrigued to hear how anyone sitting behind your IMAX-like frame found the movie (literally)...

TUNED OUT

OK, who edited the soundtrack to Top Gun: Maverick? I rewatched the film on DVD because I thought it was great, particularly the montage accompanied by The Who’s Won’t Get Fooled Again. It’s a great choice and the build to the climax is excellent… but then they cut out Roger Daltrey’s scream of release/celebration/exhilaration. What an anticlimax. I spent the rest of the film stunned, muttering, ‘They cut the scream.’ A truly stupid decision. The filmmakers should be tied to the back of an F/A-18 while the engines are switched on.

Sounds harsh… how about push-ups till sundown instead? Maybe they were confident viewers would be so pumped by the scene, they’d bring their own scream, so binned Roger’s. But it can frustrate when a favourite tune is chopped and changed, or frivolities like sound FX and dialogue get in the way. Pipe down, you wayward kids – we wanna hear Simple Minds!

HAPPY VIEW YEAR

On New Year’s Day 2023, my friend and I saw Peter von Kant at the local Curzon. Afterwards, she said it’d be impossible for me to see 365 films at the cinema over the year… challenge accepted! Taking full advantage of my Odeon and Home passes, I went to five film festivals, an all-day Twilight Saga screening, showings in the middle of split shifts at work… despite my enthusiasm occasionally wavering, I completed the challenge with my love of cinema as strong at the end of the year as at the start. However, I did enjoy Expend4bles more than Oppenheimer. So there might be some lasting damage…

Phenomenal work, Jake – well done. But what will you do for an encore [looks slyly at calendar, noting 2024 is a leap year…]? And it’s actually refreshing to hear you preferred our turkey of the year to our top choice [reaches under desk, jabs red button].

LOVING MEMORIES

Jamie Graham’s Intermission column [issue 346] struck a chord with me. It got me thinking about how certain films make you think of lost loved ones. My best friend also died, about two years ago, and it still feels raw. Growing up, I’d go to his house, where his older brother had loads of 80s actioners on VHS. We’d sneak into his room to watch Rambo: First Blood Part II, Commando and No Retreat, No Surrender. My dad passed away 14 years ago and loved horror, especially B movies. The last present I bought him was Sharknado on DVD! In the hospital the night he died, the family bizarrely watched Saw II. Sad times, but some wonderful memories.

Thanks for sharing, Matt, and our sincere condolences. We hope that rewatching those movies brings you comfort. They say time heals all wounds… but there’s also something to be said for Arnie creating new ones while running about in a grenade vest and camo paint.

DAY AFTER TOM-ORROW

In response to Tom [Dialogue, issue 345], I’ve come up with an idea for a festive sequel to The Extomdables. The Toms go up against the Chrises (Pine, Hemsworth, Evans, Walken, Waltz) in The Extomdables 2: Chris Mass Panic.

Hard yes with sleigh bells on. We’re not saying it would be better if TF readers ran Hollywood. But we’re not not saying it, either…

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