Dialogue

Mail, rants, theories etc.

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★ STAR LETTER

After the recent releases of the latest Fast & Furious and Saw movies, I realised that the ‘X’ in their titles should be said as a ‘10’. I then started worrying that I’ve been making the same movie-title blooper for decades. I got to thinking that the horror film Jason X is actually Jason 10. But it goes deeper: should I have been calling our favourite Marvel mutants the 10-Men? Is the Vin Diesel action series actually Triple 10? Is last year’s Mia Goth horror really 10? My whole life has been a lie!

Might the opposite be correct, too? Should it be X Things I Hate About You? The X Commandments? Christopher Nolan’s X-et? And don’t get us started on Star Wars: Episode IV; can’t look at that title without thinking about veins and fluid drips. Graham and everyone with a letter printed here will receive a copy of Hollywood Dreams & Nightmares: The Robert Englund Story, available now on Blu-ray and digital via Kaleidoscope Home Entertainment. Didn’t send an address? Email it! Or one, two, Freddy won’t be coming to you!

STRONG WILL-ED

Your feature on the late William Friedkin [issue 342] made no mention of one of his most intriguing films: Rampage (1987) starring Michael Biehn and Alex McArthur. This superb thriller seems to have disappeared and is long overdue for reappraisal. As far as I’m aware this underrated film has never been released on DVD (although I do have a VHS copy, along with the soundtrack album).

Good call, Chris – and bonus points for owning the Morricone music. Seems the film is only physically available on import DVD, but you can buy/rent it digitally. Just a word of warning: if there’s Dwayne Johnson running around after city-flattening videogame monsters, you’ve got the wrong Rampage.

SLY NUMBERS

After Expend4bles, I’m slightly concerned they’re going to run out of titles. Expendable5 might be OK and possibly Expenda6les, but once we get to 7, 8 and 9 I think the imagination train may come to a halt. Although my friend pointed out that he’s looking forward to the Ex10ndables.

While watching Expend4bles, I was struck by its similarity to a TV classic, featuring elderly men engaging in youthful activities while reminiscing about the olden days. So I can’t wait for the next in the franchise; am hoping for some scrapes like growing a giant carrot, building a go-kart… and hopefully a little more of the Holmfirth countryside. Naturally Sly/Dolph/Jason would be Clegg/Foggy/ Compo and of course Megan Fox would be Nora. Expendable5: Last of the Summer Wine, anyone?

Got to admit, the thought of a fifth film does fill us with trepidation – and we’d rather not think about a 10th one. But the greenery of Holmfirth would make a nice change from the green screen-ery of Expend4bles.

Talking of which, will that highprofile, one-star mega-bomb have a shot at our Turkeys of the Year list? All will be revealed next month!

COUPLE GOALS

A recent visit to the cinema to see Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One beautifully captured the importance of cinema. As the credits rolled, I saw a couple who must’ve been in their 80s stand up, hold hands and walk out. Maybe the couple went to the cinema a lot? Maybe they remembered the original TV show and made occasional trips to the cinema to watch Mr. Cruise jump off mountains? I just hope if I reach that age, I still have the burning desire to go to the cinema and watch the Tom Cruise of the day bungee jump from Mars. Cinema always has been, and hopefully will always be, for everyone. I hope the couple loved the film.

We hope so too. Thanks for sharing, although we’re pretty certain the Tom Cruise of the future will still be actual Tom Cruise, doing 12 of those jumps before breakfast.

GREAT TIMING

I may not be able to match Scott Hales’ Who Framed Roger Rabbit ticket for age [see Dialogue, issue 343], but do I get style points-slash-nerd points for my Back to the Future ticket from 21 October, 2015?

You certainly do. Did you double-bill the film with a viewing of Jaws 19, followed by a trip to Cafe 80s? If you got into any bother that resulted in Biff Tannen being your stepdad, we’d rather not know. We’re going to step up this challenge and offer £1m to anyone who sees Dune in the year 10,191. The prize money should just about cover your ticket.

WRIGHT OR WRONG?

Loved your feature, The 100 Greatest Horror Films of the 21st Century. It was great to see Lake Mungo get the maximum respect it deserves, but I feel you missed out on some superb bowel-looseners: Wolf Creek, Sinister, Smile, The Human Centipede, Broadcast Signal Intrusion… Also, as much as I love Shaun of the Dead, it is NOT a horror flick. It is a comedy, no further discussion needed. You lot at Total Film Towers will next be trying to convince us that Die Hard is not a Chrimbo film…

We’d never do that. Although have you considered that Shaun might also be a stealth Christmas film? All that feasting, carnage down the pub, the line ‘You’ve got red on you’... It’s a zom-rom-com with added pa rum pum pum pum!

YOU CAN ALSO WRITE TO Total Film, 121-141 Westbourne Terrace, London, W2 6JR (postal addresses will be used for the sole purpose of sending out prizes)