INTERMISSION

A WRITER TAKES PAUSE TO CONSIDER… How a bad review made him a better reviewer

MATT GLASBY @MATTGLASBY

It was Poltergeist Girl who changed everything. In September 2020, I published The Book of Horror, a guide to the scariest movies ever made, and something I’d been wanting to write my whole life.

As a cinema-obsessed schoolboy, I’d won a book token in the end-of-year prizes and spent it – illicitly – on The Aurum Film Encyclopedia: Horror edited by Phil Hardy. This was a huge red hardback packed with brutal film stills and even more brutal opinions, and I pored over it until I knew them by heart. Fast-forward 30 years, when The Book of Horror was picked up by the same publishing house, and it felt like destiny. This was my shot, and I wasn’t going to miss.

For research, I spent months watching as many obscure horror films as possible. Sometimes I’d manage up to six a day; sometimes I’d sit through the early hours, my newborn son asleep in my arms, watching even more (with headphones on – I’m not a monster). It was, as they say, a lot, but when I saw the finished book, adorned with beautiful black-and-white illustrations by Barney Bodoano, it was worth it.

The world mostly agreed, and The Book of Horror garnered the full range of online reviews, from five-star bangers (‘A mustread for horror fans!’) to one-star clangers (‘Like reading the back of your Blu-rays!’). But Poltergeist Girl (not her real name, obvs) stood out from the crowd.

On a popular site we’ll call Bad Vibes, hers was The Book of Horror’s most-read review, and it was insane. Now everyone loves reading what my friend Imogen calls a ‘raging one-star’ and everyone is entitled to their opinion, but Poltergeist Girl’s musings were something else entirely. A quick flick through her previous posts, of which there were many, showed her laying into another author for shaking her belief in poltergeists – hence the name.

‘Behind (almost) every raging one-star is someone attempting to make something good’

Like all critics, I’ve had some pretty ripe feedback. The most imaginative came from a chap who, due to my dislike of Marvel, said I deserved to have my testicles dipped in honey then covered in ants. But this was different. Firstly, Poltergeist Girl kept on getting things factually wrong, which was infuriating because I couldn’t correct her without looking like the worst kind of er-excuse-me internet dick. A few examples: no, The Book of Horror isn’t full of grammatical errors. Yes, I had been to primary school. No, The Others isn’t just a shameless rip-off of The Sixth Sense, and so on.

But worst of all, because this was my passion project, it felt like it wasn’t just the book that was being criticised, but me personally. It really stung – and really stuck – so that whenever anyone else said anything complimentary, all I could think of was Poltergeist Girl’s scorn, and her casual disregard of the hours/days/months/ years I’d worked on it.

The irony of being a thin-skinned film critic is not lost on me, so I figured it was time for some self-reflection. Had I ever been so dismissive in my reviews? Had I ever used what one colleague called ‘elbow drops’ to take down an easy target? Had I ever made fun of something to draw attention to myself? Yes, I had. Many, many times. I had been unkind in ways that looked a lot like bullying. I suppose I was scared that I wasn’t good enough, that I would one day be found out or, worse, ignored.

Now, a large part of criticism is the freedom to say when something doesn’t work, and a large of part of journalism is showing enough flair to get noticed. But in the process I’d forgotten something important: that behind (almost) every raging one-star is someone attempting to make something good. Perhaps someone who stayed up night after night, their newborn in their arms. Well, you know the rest.

Moving forward, I vowed to try to meet the movies I was critiquing on their own terms; to accentuate the positives, where possible; and to avoid Bad Vibes, both on the page and IRL.

So apologies to any filmmaker who deserved empathy but instead got elbow drops, and thanks to Poltergeist Girl, wherever you are: your review has made me a better critic and, I hope, a better person.